I'm sorry it's over

I don't know how many times I have to apologize to make it hurt less.
I don't know what to say to to make things better.
I don't know what to do to save the friendship we once had.

I gave us a chance.
I gave you a chance.
I gave myself a chance.
I gave love a chance.

I'm sorry it didn't work out.
I'm sorry I wasn't as happy as you were.
I'm sorry I lied to keep you happy.
I'm sorry I waited this long to tell you the truth.
I'm sorry that I didn't feel the same way you did.

Most of all, I'm sorry I can't see you more than a friend.

She just wants to be free

There she goes. Head held high as expected. Following the rules with every step she takes as expected. She wants to be herself. But the expectations forces her to be everything else.
Only to those who don't expect anything from her, other than her being herself, will be able to enjoy her presence. Only these certain people will be able to see her beautiful smile, hear her sweet laughter, feel her heart ache and wipe her tears away.

She just wants to be free. Free from restrictions. Free from expectations. Free to be herself wherever she goes, with whoever in sight. A lot of people expect the best from her. They expect perfection. They expect no lies. They expect maturity. They expect self-control. With all these expectations, comes a split personality. She becomes the girl they want to see when they are around.

But on the other side of the gate and late nights out, she's free to be herself with the people who expect exactly that. She's free to make mistakes. She's free to talk crap. She's free to be childish. She's free to go wild. She's free to break any rule she wants.

They say they can handle the truth. They say " Be Yourself ". Little do they know that the person who she really is, is someone they can't handle being around with.

Be careful what you ask for because you might regret wanting it when you get it.

Why do you have it..?

I remember writing it. I remember doodling in class. What I can't figure out is why do you have it.
I don't remember showing it to you. I don't remember giving it to you.
Yet there it was. Tattered and torn but still so clear.
It wasnt meant to be kept.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The rain pours heavily
Chills run down my spine
I woke up feeling so lonely
There's no one by my side

I look out the window
The clouds, all dark and gloomy
My heart fills with sorrow
My breathing ever so heavy

The thought of you
Makes me smile
The leaves, fresh with dew
In my world, you are mine

The heart feels no distance
My heart longing for your love
Hypnotized, like in a trance
Our love, pure as a white dove

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


I know I wasnt meant to find it. I'm sorry I looked. Its barely even good for you to keep it. Just feels odd that you kept it.

What I learnt, you asked. Here's my reply

C.

True love exists.
I believe in it because of you.
I believe in "THE ONE" because you were once mine.

Before you came along, I just moved from one guy to another without feeling much. I fell in love , with my third boyfriend, for the first time. And after he broke my heart, I swore i would not relive that pain. I locked my heart away. And a player was born.

My longest relationship was 29 days. The good guys were just unfortunate to fall for a girl like me. The bad boys, I can't say much. Maybe they deserved it.

2 years later, I let my heart fall again because I felt the guy was worth the risk. Worth the pain I might have to go through. The challenges we went through, I'll never forgive myself entirely for letting them break me. For not being strong enough to fight for us.

I learnt that you'll never know how much you actually have until it's gone. So I appreciate everything that I have because I don't want to go through that kind of loss ever again.

I learnt that true love goes both ways. So whatever one person does, there's an effect on the partner.

I learned to think about others before myself. You always put me first.

I learnt that time is precious, no mater how much of it you think you have.

I learned to hold on to the people I care about no matter what others say about them.

I learned to be selfless

I learned to love.

Thank you, for what happened and for what could have happened.
No regrets.

B.

It's been 5 months

I didn't realize how fast time flew. It's been 5 months since my last post. Not sure if I haven't posted for a longer period of time before. So why now?? I guess I wanna remember last night forever :)

The friends, the time spent together.
Batu feringghi beach
Trespassing and swimming in Flamingo swimming pool
Breakfast before sunrise in McDonald's

The friendship we shared, it was amazing
And the people there made it what it turned out to be

Singing with Iman
Talking with Eewon
Crapping with Qamarul
Catching up with Quek
Torturing Brian
Listening to advice from Shan
YOLO with Narm in Flamingo Hotel Swimming pool

Hahahaha Thanks guys
Thank you God for putting them in my life

Crazy in love????

9 months ago:

Boy meets Girl. Girl helps Boy in his studies. They studied together. Boy liked Girl. Girl didn't believe in love because she never had a boyfriend. Boy fell for Girl because ...... ( I don't really know. People always want what they can't have right ). So, Girl makes Boy "work" for her.

7 months ago:

Boy tried for 2 months to win Girl's heart. He proposed. Girl accepts because she wanted to give him a chance. Boy was overjoyed. They started dating. They started hanging out alot ang going places on Boy's EX5 ( motorbike ). Boy bought stuff for Girl and vice versa

2 weeks later:

"IT" happened

While the months were passing by:

Girl and Boy argued a lot. If Boy disagreed with Girl's opinion or ways, Girl asks for a break-up. At that time, Boy was in love with Girl. He would bow down and give in to her requests. Because it was Girl's first time in a relationship, she didn't know how to treat as a boyfriend properly. He was, more like, stepped on a lot. Yet, he still loved her.

1 month ago, after 3 break-ups ( I think ):

Boy got fed up with Girl's attitude. He broke it off one last time. Boy got a NewGirl ( not sure when ). Girl begged for him to come back to her. Boy refused. Girl did some crazy stuff ( drink bleach, swallow pills, cut her hand, choke herself ) but, somehow, it didnt work. Girl told Boy's younger sister about their "activities". Boy's sister told Boy's parents. Parents came to college to find out the truth. Boy denied it. Girl was determind to uphold the truth. -..........complicated story...........- Boy admitted "IT" to 3 friends only. -.............more complications..........-

2 days ago:

Girl got married. She went to the kuil and bought the thali ( yellow string Hindhu's use for marriage ) and tied it around her neck, saying Boy's name. Girl attended class wearing a sari and that red powder on her head.

Yesterday:

Girl and Boy were alone in class ( coincedence ). Girl tried to talk to Boy but Boy wouldnt listen. Boy left the class, leaving Girl alone. Girl gave up trying to win back Boy's heart. Girl went to the nearest toilet to ......( not sure what she tried but failed, she came out alive). Girl got a new idea. So Girl climbed to the ledge on the second floor to jump ( suicide, she rather die than live without him ). The cleaners called the staff. The staff called the President of College, police, ambulance and fire fighters to get help get her off the roof. The firefighters set up a trampoline beneath her in case she jumped. A staff dude and me were on the roof with her trying to talk her out of it. We managed to pull her back and got her to safety.

Girl has been taken to the hospital to be taken care of and treated.

True story...

It's a new year

2013 is here. The world didn't end (thank god). Mayans played the biggest prank ever. lol screw it. It just means I can continue living my life the way I want to.

HAPPY 2013!!