A lot to handle..

I'm not in the mood to explain much. I just feel like writing so I don't do something worse. (Sigh) I've been back for the past 6 days. Boy, does time fly!

Raya this year was different. No visiting families. No duit raya. No ketupat and lemang. Just my mom, my brother and me at The Gardens Hotel. It was fun. But where ever my brother goes, trouble follows. He just has childish mood swings after he gets what he wants. Nothing much to say about raya this year. It was peceful :)

First few friends I met was Yvette, Sanjiiv and Sean. The day turned out quite...interesting after I did the dare from Yvette. Felt wrong though, but hey, its what sin tastes like.

I've been sick for the past four days. It's tiring and I can't sleep. No mood to study and I just feel like sleeping the whole day.

My room still brings back unforgetable memories..... It's disturbing and (shiver)... ehem.... Gotta keep my head in the game. Finals in 2 weeks, thats more important than some feelings running down my spine...

Love.... is a leap of faith

I'm still in love with you, but I don't want to be...

Brave

Faith be changed,
Look inside,
Mend the bond,
Torn by pride...

There's so many things to say to so many people

So full until emptiness fills the soul

I'll write again when I know what to say..

My Last Goodbye

If there's a prize for rotten judgement, I guess I've already won that. Who do I think I'm kidding? Though I'm tring to keep it hidden, I look in the mirror and I can see right through me. I can't conceal it. Why deny it...? Because he doesn't wanna hear it...

My plan worked perfectly the moment I wanted it to fail epicly. I did plan everything. I told her everything I wanted her to tell him. And he did. I planned it because I thought that if he knew I loved him, he would never leave. And I wanted him to move on. Then Stupid-Me decided to spill the beans and tell him the truth for reasons I'm still confused about. She's the one he trusts, not me. So he believed her, just like I planned. Only now, I wish it didn't work. (not writing some feelings because I don't want it to be true) I just didn't want us to be together right now, but that doesn't change how much I miss him.

I can't tell him his theory is wrong. I think I made a retorical promise on that. I don't wanna hurt him anymore. And if that means no talking, no texting, no calling, no blog-writing about him, so be it. I broke his heart and mine and I don't know how to put the pieces back together...

This chapter of my life is closed and not to be written about again...