The Call I Dreaded

I knew you would call. I expect your call everyday. I tell myself I won't pick up when I see your picture on my screen. At night, when the day is almost over, and you didn't call, I smile and cry. Smile because I survived the day without a teardrop. Cry because I know how much I wanted to see your picture on my screen but you never called.

The call that I prepared myself for came. You finally called. At the wrong place. At the wrong time. I was in the car, with my parents. I was guiding my Mum to a restaurant we had dinner at earlier because my Dad couldn't find his wallet in the car.

The moment I heard your voice, I lost mine. I lost all my strength and energy. Tears started falling and I cursed under my breath. I was angry at myself for crying over you after all the nights of praticing how I would react when I had to face you.

I got angry at myself knowing I'm still weak with you. And you heard it but you misinterpreted it. All those nights before, my tears got less and less. I was getting stronger without you. Just by the sound of your voice through the phone, all those tears that didn't fall, fell with all my feelings.

I miss everything about you. I miss your company. I miss your love. I miss your charm. I miss everything that makes you the guy I fell in love with. But we are no longer together. And with every reminder of you, makes our situation a blur to me. I can't have that.

I know we are not together. There is no more us. I'm trying so hard to move on. And I need you to move on as well for me. Knowing you're still waiting holds me back. No one can replace you. No one can repair the piece of my heart that is gone. What you need to do is very simple.

Don't remind me though I will never forget. Move on though a piece of me will forever hold on to the past.

I will always love you. Thats something no one can take away.

What A Day...!

I got my blackberry today. Oh, how I missed technology. And all my contacts XD. The day was quite tiring. Only now I'm able to sit on the bed to relax, and my right foot is swollen, literally. I think something bit me though. Anyways, Dad bought me a fridge for my apartment ( THANKS DADDY!!! ) I'll survive a little longer now.

Eventhough I spent most of my day in the car between places, I never forgot what day it was. 29th of June!!! Lol I'm sure not many people know what that means. I'm blocking out all my feelings that have to do with a particular someone. If I didn't, I'd be spending most of my time debating with myself " To Call or Not To Call''. LOL

To P.C. ,
Happy What Could've Been...

Some leave only because it is easier to walk away than to fight for what they really want...

I'm sorry I gave up on us...

I Want To Move On

I still think about him. Everyday. All the time. Like always. And I haven't stopped. But I desperately need to. It's killing me. My thoughts of him are consuming my very soul. And I found a way to get him out of my head. And I think I'm going crazy because I'm willing to risk anything.

The motorbike was just the beginning. I don't know what other crap I'm going to put myself through just to get over him. Well, at least I'm trying something. I know that whatever I do, he'll always be a part of my life because he was real. What him and I had was real. But I guess my feelings and the way i expressed them to him weren't strong enough to make him stay.

I want to move on. . . I have to...

Desperate for action

Its been 3 days since my motorbike adventure. And life is slowing down. I can't let myself sit still because he'll get into my head and all the feelings that i'm trying to bury will come rushing to the surface. I need an adventure. I need...the DANGER....

Sleepover... EVERYONE's invited ;)

The weekend finally arrived. Thank God. It felt like forever. My house would be lifeless if I wasn't in it. The rest of them were on holiday so I decided to get together with a few hundred friends in college :) LOL ( i wish ) I only invited the close ones. I didn't want unwanted attention from the guards for having both sexes of our species under one roof with 6 beds and 3 bedrooms available for use ;) lol.

NAAHHH!!!! I'm mixing with the good kids in college. Not including the horny couples :P So we all got together for a night. The couple didnt want to leave. They preferred sleeping next to each other than in separate houses. So everybody stayed another night. LOL :D it was fun. We blasted music through the speakers. We danced. We ate. We drank (coke/water :P ) lol. We played cards. Some games I haven't even heard of.

5 mattresses all laid out side by side in the hall. Everyboddy slept there. Said it was more fun and it was anyway.

The next sleepover is going to be a BLAST !

First Lesson on a Motorbike

The weekend was reaching it's end. I didn't want it to be just another "Goodbye" or "See you tomorrow". So, I got a friend to tutor me to ride a motorbike :D



LOL I wish that was the bike i rode. haih... dreams... I learnt my first lesson on a normal daily motorbike you see on the road. It was quite exciting.

I learnt the gears and brakes and I was off on my own. WITHOUT a helmet. WHAT FUN!!! I somehow wanted the danger. I felt the need to do something off the rails, ignoring all the warning calls in my head. The first gear was quite ok but I changed to the 2nd gear to early. The bike lurched forward and I lost control for a second. I Changed the gear again and with more power, I almost lost the handles. I shifted it back to the 1st gear and slowed down. I rode to find my friend and she asked me to stop in front of her. I could've have done it, if the brakes worked or if I knew how to work them. She dogded out of the way just in time. I pressed the brakes even harder and the bike finally slowed down.

My friend said '' Go ride again until you are able to control the brakes and stop infront of me.'' So I went again on 2 more rounds before I perfected it.

what an experience ! ! ! I do hope I get to ride again soon.

Future RIDER ;)