Thursday, March 29, 2012

This time it hurts . . .




Well, I'm alone now. And loneliness does hurts. Before this day, I would smile when i thought about him. I would laugh at our pictures because we look great and cute together. Happy tears would fall reading the poetry he would write himself and give them to me. I would wake up with positive thoughts knowing I have his heart and he has mine. My day would just get brighter even though its raining just by listening to his voice. I always have this odd smile which he loves so much whenever he tells me he loves me. He's so peaceful when I tell him that I love him. When he's not around, I feel his arms and his warmth around my body. I feel his kisses on my lips. I smell his scent on my clothes. I feel like he's always right behind me. I feel...LOVED. He made me feel whole. With him, we were one person. Now everything changed.......

I broke up with him...for reasons I'm still trying to sort out. It was the most painful thing I ever did in my life. It hurts.... It hurts feeling so alone. I feel the walls closing in on me. I can hardly breathe. I'm crying so much I feel like I'm drowning in my tears. Everything that made me smile before, just makes me cry now. I feel so alone when I think about him. I cry at our pictures knowing those pictures are the past now. Reading his poetry now feels like a knife going straight through my heart. The memories is crushing my heart. I feel...COLD. I feel like half of a puzzle. I feel like....nothing...

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Decided....

I'm back... And I've already made up my mind. Spm results are out. I know what can do. I know what I'll be doing. I'll be taking my Diploma in Encironmental Health at Allianze UniCollege of Medical Science (AUCMS) located in Kepala Batas, Penang. My intake is some time in April. Now I just gotta breathe and take it all in. Nicely contemplate the next 3 years of my life in college. Will it be as good as it sounds? Or is it gonna be "hell"????? I still can't decide what to feel.... Any ideas?

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Deciding Moments

I need time to think. Decisions are required at this point. I needed a distraction so I decorated my blog. It was quite fun in the beginning. Then, the colour didnt match. And the font is too plain. So im leaving as it is till i feel like re-decorating :) So im going back to reality now, PEACE OUT ! !

Monday, March 19, 2012

2 months 2 long !

It's been exactly 2 months since i wrote here (seriously?) I know right. Thats a freaking long time (actually time went by fast) I didnt even realise it. I still remember celebrating my birthday like it was yesterday ( its not worth remembering this year, sigh) Anyways a lot has happened. I dont know where to begin. My blog is gonna be a mixture of my past and present life and what i felt or feeling :) If its confusing, try living it (its a lot harder).. This is a shout-out to BRAT, my dear friend, for giving me the (inspiration?) idea to write again. You know you love me ;)

XoXo
$ofi