The memories can't fade because my feelings didn't...

Everything's a mess. Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead. And it was foolish of me to actually trust someone else and not you...

When I was gone . . .

I didn't go online for the past 2 days. It's the only thing connecting me to the world. And I didn't feel like "staying connected". i just felt like living my life. I wanted to see what would happen if I didn't think much and just did whatever I feel like doing.

I had a really awesome time. I rode a bike at midnight with a friend at 120km/h. Totally reckless but it was worth the risk. I never felt so loose in my life. I realised I loved the danger :) I drove a Naza unser with 5 passengers and they were all screaming for their lives LOL :D Gotta love FREEDOM XD.

When I did get back on my laptop, I missed a lot in 2 days. There was a lot to catch up on. If only I did have another place I wwould rather, everything would be so simple. But Life aint easy. If it is, it's just giving you a break for the next trouble.

Don't judge my choices without understanding my reasons.

There's more to me but you're choosing not to see

I realise that you weren't just a dream, or part of reality, you were my wish that came true

Never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours.

That part of me

I wish I could just forget you. And all the memories. But I never want to forget the way I felt around you. I never want to forget what love felt like when we were in it. If I could turn back time and stop myself from getting on that school bus to melacca, I wouldn't.

It was the start of something new.

Fasting Time !!!

Ramadhan has arrived! The month where food is at it's cheapest. Everybody is cooking for each other. Eating together. Like a social month.
It started on th 21st of this month. Still trying to get the hang of it. I should be use to it by tomorrow. I never woke up at 5am to eat yet. Can't seem to get that in my system LOL So I just cope with last night's dinner. The days seem longer now. And the nights...shorter. Time's moving so fast. I wish it would just slow down or hit PAUSE.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow

Sometimes all you need is a second chance, because time wasn't ready for the first one.

I can't give you my all... not right now..

With you... Without you...

...........................

I'm happy but sad,
Pain is not what I want,
My situation is bad,
We're apart but not done.

You were the perfect piece,
For the puzzle in my heart.
Wthout you, I can't find peace,
Loving you, has no doubt...

With you, I'm whole
Without you, I'm gone
With you, I see my soul
Without you, I'm no one...

...........................

Missing you is my favourite mistake right now...

The best relationships are the ones you don’t expect to be in, the ones you never saw coming. . .

I feel like there's more than distance between us.....

I want to, I need to but I can't . . .

I want to be with you. My heart needs to be with yours. But I can't. I'm not gonna hurt us again. Though my happiness is gone, I rather not be happy than see you hurt. If we are meant to be, we will be. I know you need time... And time is all I can give.

I'm not gonna ruin your happiness just because I'm undecided. I Love You but I can't be with you. You have every right to be mad. You have every right not to talk to me again.

I rather see you happy with someone else than unhappy with me...

I'm afraid ....

Everybody has an addiction. Mine happens to be mistakes.

Leaving will always be the hardest part

I'm sorry

I know I promised a lot of things.. And I know things have changed. It's not as easy as I thought it would be. When I'm with you, it's us against the world. But when we're apart, I feel broken. I can't handle the distance. From the beginning I told you that. But you always convinced me to try. And I did. I tried. And failed. And for you, I tried again. And failed again. But you didn't see the effort I put in there, did you? You just think I didn't try hard enough. Well, guess what? I'm not superwoman to handle everything and get everything perfect. Plans change.

I'm sorry. I really am. i really did try. But I'm not strong enough. When I'm with you, the distance didn't look very far. I didn't know what i was getting myself into. I just knew I was afraid. So here we are. With distance between us.

People make mistakes. We're not excluded.

I want to put this all behind us

My mistake was putting you through all of this crap. Look where we are now.. But I don't regret anything that happened. You are the love of my life.

I'm not saying we can never be apart if we are together. I'm just saying I'm not ready for it now. My current situation has enough pressure on me already. I didn't want to get you in the middle of problems... If I was with you, you would have the littlest of my time. And it wouldn't be right or fair to you.

I'm really sorry it ended this way. But it is what it is. I hope you realise that...

Back For the WEEKEND

Hey, I'm back..in Penang. I spent my weekend in KL and I had a BLAST! (obviously) lol. Never would have had much fun without my two besties for life

Its been a day and a half and I MISS THEM like crazy!!!!! But you gotta do what you gotta do.. And I'm slowly coping with the life here, though i still hate being here.

I realise now that I'm not letting myself like this place because I dont want to get out of my comfort zone. Living in KL is easy. So many friends and families are there. It's about time I accept my life here now and just make the best of it :)

Thanks Charming....for understanding. I may be older but you're definitely and obviously the matured one in our relationship. I'm sorry to have put you through hell. I'm sorry for a lot of things. I'm happy where where our relationship is at now :) I hope you feel the same way. Thank you for being the guy that I'll never forget.

Thank you to all of you that has hurt me the most because you guys are the ones I hold dear in my life. Thanks for putting a smile on my face :)

THANKS guys for being in my life :) I love y'all.

Dear Charming,

Love,
The one who never stopped loving you

I need you...

Even though I promised myself I wouldn't risk the chance of getting hurt again, for some reason, when I’m with you, it all seems worth it. Even behind all that pain, I still smile when I remember us.

I need to be in your arms again. I need your love to live. I've been dying everyday. I'm exhausted from missing you every single second. Knowing you're not mine anymore just makes me think of another girl taking my place in your heart.

I want you back.. I just don't know what I should do.. I'm going out of my mind thinking about all the freaking " WHAT IF's " in the world. I really don't need another reason to hate where I am. You would be the perfect reason I would come home to. And you would be the perfect reason why I wouldn't want to leave.

I have 8 years away from you, only coming home for a couple of weeks at a time. Then we have months apart. I would be crying everytime and I know, with you, my tears will never run dry. I would be killing us repeatedly by leaving. And I can't handle that.

I need you back so badly. I wish I was strong enough to face the distance. But I don't think I am. I miss the way it felt back then, I want to feel that way again. But I'm not gonna put you through the pain and the sufferring over and over again, everytime I leave.

It may not be good for us. You might find someone else to make you happy. But this is what's best for us. You get to live your life without me tearing you up inside with my every departure. And we'll both slowly move on, though we won't really ever forget.

You're the love of my life. The one I'll never forget. The one I love and hurt the most.

I'm doing this because I love you.
I love you so much... <3

Maybe we just weren't meant to be...

I know I've changed...or at least trying to. I don't want to hurt you anymore but being with you was hurting me. I just couldn't handle our last fight. I wasn't ready when you asked for a time-out. That request broke me for good. You know what it did to us the first time that happened. For you to make me go through that again was just unbearable. I figured that if we broke up for good, it wouldnt hurt as much as waiting for a month. But I guess there's not much difference. The pain of leaving you is taking it's own sweet time to fade away. But once it's gone, it's gone for good. If I waited, isn't there a possibility that we might take a time-out for a third time? And I wasn't prepared to relive the pain of waiting over and over again.

I miss you a lot. I still love you as much as I did before. What got between us was my life here and I have 2 1/2 more years in this place.. I thought we could get through it until you showed me that you couldn't handle the way i adapted or the way I handled things. I wanted us to last. I wanted to be with you for as long as I can.

If you can question whether my love for you was real or not, what the hell was I doing with you for 8 and a half months...???

Time...

I feel so lost without you. I feel the emptiness in my heart. Time may heal all wounds but the scar will never fade. Thank you for everything but I'm better here without you in ways you wouldn't understand.

Time away from you is what I have now. And I will move on, no matter how hard or painful it will be.

She Deserves Better

I've seen the hurt. I've seen the pain. I've been through it before. But this is different. She devoted her life to you. She She loves you with all her heart. She got use to being second best in everything for you. But you can even sacrifice the littlelest of things for her. It's sad to watch. I would never really understand how she lived all these years. Her patience and love for you was always number one. But you couldn't do the same until now.

Things are never going to change. It's been this way for too long. Yet she stills stands by your side as number 2 knowing that will never change. She's not stuck with you but she chooses to be with you. She was so naive at the beginning thinking everything would be fair. You chose to do it this way. She followed because of love.

No matter what she does, she'll always be treated as second best. I just hope you can see the sacrifices that she made knowing it would never change a thing.